Lost Love

Lost Love

Taking Care of Ourselves

It’s healthy, wise, and loving to be considerate and responsive to the feelings and needs of others. That’s different from caretaking. Caretaking is a self-defeating and, certainly, a relationship defeating behavior – a behavior that backfires and can cause us to feel resentful and victimized – because ultimately, what we feel, want, and need will come to the surface.

Some people seem to invite emotional caretaking. We can learn to refuse the invitation. We can be concerned; we can be loving, when possible; but we can place value on our own needs and feelings too. Part of recovery means learning to pay attention to, and place importance on, what we feel, want, and need, because we begin to see that there are clear, predictable, and usually undesirable consequences when we don’t.

Be patient and gentle with yourself as you learn to do this. Be understanding with yourself when you slip back into the old behavior of emotional caretaking and self-neglect.

But stop the cycle today. We do not have to feel responsible for others. We do not have to feel guilty about not feeling responsible for others. We can even learn to let ourselves feel good about taking responsibility for our needs and feelings.

Today, I will evaluate whether I’ve slipped into my old behavior of taking responsibility for another’s feelings and needs, while neglecting my own. I will own my power, right, and responsibility to place value on myself.

From the Language of Letting Go

Butter Eyes

Butter Eyes

Some people come into your life and teach you lessons about love, life and letting go. They transform you for the better just by teaching you how a butterfly is born. It is when you look deep into another persons eyes and you are able to see their soul! You know they have butter eyes.

Exquisite Goodbye

Exquisite Goodbye

In days past. goodbye only left holes,
darkness indescribable, longing for
another time, for things unspoken,

undone, pain that can’t be
quenched, only tolerated

smoothed over by years, like
a stone bathed in water’s constant flow is
never smoothed away completely,

heavy in its place, it sits,
desperately cemented to what was

unmoving, unwavering in its
persistence in being a stone.

Hand in hand we gaze, out where green
meets blue, where goodbye
does not exist, we watch

as storms erupt, part blue-green ways
slow drops of grey pool in my

heart, anxiety, anticipation gag
me with their sourness

Anxiety and anticipation of the exquisite goodbye

More forever loss, more
stones in the belly of my soul.

Oh sorrow, sorrow
for my inability to say goodbye,
to release souls to their destiny
on this plane or the next.

Yet in this instance, parting on the sand,
for once, the stone cannot be found

For once, I smash the urn, scatter
the ashes to the sea, release all that which
binds — the hole, the dark recess that carries and

protects the pain and loss
of lifetimes past, I walk into the sun

For once, in this exquisite
goodbye, I start to let her go

© SpiritLed 2013
http://spiritledblog.wordpress.com/

Sharing this beautiful poem from a dear friends blog!

Survival

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Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.

–C. S. Lewis

Learning to Let Go

Learning to Let Go

Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”
― Deborah Reber

Letting Go

Letting Go

Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”
― Ann Landers