The article below published on Elephant Journal really spoke to me. I have always believed that they way you treat others is a testament to your character, your values and your integrity as a person. Being an adult and having human relationships is hard. We live in world where people use 140 characters to tweet their feelings and friend and unfriend people on social media on a whim. I had no idea what the term ghosting was until I read this article. I experienced this first hand a few years ago, and it was the most shocking, hurtful, gut wrenching experience of my life. At the time, I had no idea why this was happening to me. When you pour your heart and soul out in front of another person and let them in your personal space and form a connection and you get ghosted you blame yourself. You will feel unworthy and unloved and challenge the idea of love and trust. It took me a long time to understand that another persons behavior or action had nothing to do with me. Other people are fighting their own story and you just got mixed up in it. In the end, you learn to accept the reality that those types of relationships are not authentic, genuine or worth having regret over. It takes time but life goes on and in time you meet other people who are meant to be in your life. In proud to say that I have never ghosted anyone nor would I do that to another soul. I believe we are all connected and love is what we are here for!
Enjoy the article!
The Cost of Ghosting: Let’s Be Considerate When Ending a Relationship.
Crystal JacksonVia Crystal Jackson
I’m fairly sure that the first time I heard the term “ghosting” I was reading an article in elephant journal.
While I had never heard the term used before, I certainly knew it. In my 34 years, I have been ghosted a number of times.
For those unacquainted with the term, “ghosting” is when a person in your life drops out of it completely without any explanation. This person doesn’t respond to phone calls, texts, letters or any communication. They are simply gone. I used to describe it, before I knew there was a word for it, as having someone make me feel like a ghost but then haunting me.
I don’t know if there’s anything more hurtful to do to someone than render him or her invisible.
Many people think of dating scenarios when they think of ghosting, but the first person who ever ghosted me was my closest friend. It happened years ago, before social media and texting were a part of my life. We lived in different states by that time, but we had always kept in touch with phone calls and letters. Then without explanation or warning, my phone calls were screened. My letters stopped receiving replies.
I’m the kind of person who invests all of myself in relationships so it took months of unanswered phone calls and unreturned letters to realize that I had been ghosted. Even after I stopped trying to get in touch, it took years for me to deal with all of the emotions I had about this experience.
Losing a friend and grieving for that friendship is always tough.
I’m a recently divorced single mom now, and I have experienced ghosting in the dating world as well. While still hurtful, most of the men who have chosen that route have been casual acquaintances where the loss didn’t really do more than hurt my pride.
Then I met someone who I fell for from the start.
Let me make a quick disclaimer: I am not the kind of woman who falls for every man I take an interest in. Actually, before I met my ex-husband, I was the kind of girl who never fell at all. Then I got married, and we can fast-forward through the heartbreak of divorce a decade later since it’s not really a technical case of ghosting when the person you marry just checks out of the relationship but is still physically there.
Let’s fast forward to now. Yes, I fell for someone too fast and too soon, and as an Empath I’m already someone who feels too much. I also accept the fact that I am responsible for my own feelings, and no one else has an obligation to return those feelings. Still, it is painful to once again be in a situation where I can be ghosted so easily by someone I care for so much.
I’ve seen articles that justify ghosting other people, and I’d like to send this message out to everyone who has considered this option when ending a relationship of any kind.
We’re all entitled to our feelings, but we’re also responsible for our actions.
Ghosting is an action.
We may be trying to avoid causing pain to someone else, but the pain we cause when we render another living, breathing person invisible to us is so much worse than the pain we would cause by being honest about our feelings.
It takes courage for people to be vulnerable and to love others, and it’s the very least we can do to honor that courage by having a little of it ourselves.
It only takes a moment to respond to a text or answer a call or write a letter. We’re saving the other person from months of questions and attempts at contact just by being honest.
As social media continues to redefine relationships, ghosting seems to have become more commonplace. We can block calls and texts and unfriend someone on Facebook.
It all seems so impersonal now that technology has taken away so much of our face-to-face contact.
In a world that places so much distance between us, I hope we can remember that the person on the other side of our emails and text messages and phone calls is a person with feelings just as real as our own.
I keep hoping that one day that will count for something.
“THE PEACE OF WILD THINGS”
by Wendell Berry
When despair grows in me
and I wake in the middle of the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting for their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
Sometimes we hear what we want to hear and we accept something to be truthful that is not. This is a process. We are all human and we have our flaws and we make mistakes. Despite all the challenges we endure in life, we must continue to move forward and make choices, keep our hearts open to love and most important be kind and compassionate. When you are an empath, you take on the emotions of others and all the highs and lows surrounding you. The lesson for me has been to set appropriate boundaries and to learn to not attach or get hooked into the drama of others. There are some who will play the victim mode in an effort to control or manipulate you and one must stand strong and continue to move ahead. Life is a gift!