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Tonight

Tonight I ache.

With every beat, every breath, every blink.

But I’m not sad.

Not hurting.

Not broken.

Oh no, on the contrary.

I’m full of love.

The kind of love that overwhelms you, threatens to break your heart with its magnitude. Pushes into your field in waves, gently coming and going like the tide. Though perhaps not so gently.

Surely I am too small for this love. Too fragile. Too brittle.

Surely if I let it all in I must combust.

Break into thousands of tiny pieces never to be recognised again.

Surely it must overwhelm me. Strip me of my identity. Have its way with me; leave me naked, broken and shivering in its wake.

My heart hurts with love. So much love it frightens me.

I can feel my fear pulsing with the beat of my heart.

Screaming out to me that I don’t deserve such love. That if I let it in it will just abandon me. Toy with and then tire of me, leaving me all alone.

I close my eyes and take a breath. Another. Another.

And then I surrender to it. To this Love.

Allow it to wash over and through me. Through my fear.

To take my heart. My body. My soul.

To break me wide open and have all of me.

And in that moment I understand.

Love is the answer no matter the question.

Love is the essence of our universe, the building block of our existence, the true nature of our beings.

It is there always, fiercely gentle, patiently waiting for us to accept its unconditional presence in our lives.

Love is remaining right where it is, holding us in its embrace until we are brave enough to invite it in.

Love has no prerequisites, no expectations, no stipulations.

Love just loves us no matter what.

Love will not abandon us, it is us who abandons it.

-SK
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