This is why we are here

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Universe

I just journaled about this earlier today and the Universe sends another message. Saying a prayer of protection for my family today. May we get through these next few months with grace, without judgment, with compassion and kindness. Amen!

Every pain

I think we learn and grow more from the pain of loss than we do from anything else. It took me four decades of aging to understand what was meant by the term “age brings you wisdom”.

I finally appreciate how to react and handle situations much better now compared with the past. Each loss of a loved one, loss of an opportunity, loss of something you had hoped for and wanted gives you time to pause and have a deeper appreciation of how we don’t have control over outcomes. We form attachments, bonds to people, places, things but all of this is temporary. Our very being on this planet is meant to be temporary.

Nothing is meant to last forever so take a minute to breathe in and exhale all the precious moments you are blessed enough to witness each day instead of focusing on what already happened thirty, twenty, five or however many years ago that you have no control over. I can’t change my past. No one gets a do over no matter how much we want.

Instead make the choice to look at the beauty in each cloud. Look at the rainbow forming after a thunderstorm. Look at the sun shining brightly. The waves of the ocean touching your feet. The moonlight on a dark Autumn night. The sweet smile of a young child at the local mall. Children playing and singing in anticipation of the holidays. Friends sharing laughs and jokes over dinner. Your adorable doggie giving you tender kisses and hugs every time you walk in the room. Embrace those moments. When you do reflect on the past- look for the happy memories. The ones that bring a smile to your face. The painful ones already taught you what lesson was needed for your growth. Don’t re litigate past choices and decisions. All of us never get it right most of the time and that is ok.

I made a choice to forgive myself for mistakes I’ve made in my life , I forgave others who hurt me whether it was intentional or unintentional and I released all that energy into the Universe. I know I feel lighter and braver and stronger and free…..

#Me too

I’ve been conflicted and seriously triggered for the last month with all the stories of women coming forward to share their experiences of being sexually assaulted or groped or some form of unwanted and non consensual act. I hope that this leads to a societal change where this type of behavior is no longer acceptable in a civilized society. Most of these stories are women who were older although some teenagers have also come forward against older powerful men who abused their power. Many articles have been written about why men think it is ok to behave this way.

I was also a victim of sexual abuse as a child. I was very young and had repressed what happened to me until several years ago. No matter how old you get you live with the shame and fear of what happened to you. Why you were objectified as a child when you didn’t even understand what sex was. This subject still makes me feel uncomfortable several decades later. I know that I can’t change the past but I can hope and pray that other young children both girls and boys can grow up in a society where they feel safe. I hadn’t thought about the men who hurt me for a long time but recently I’ve been thinking what happened with them. Did they hurt other little girls. Would it have made a difference if I had told someone? These are questions that women always have to live with. I hope women who speak out are not shamed or told to shut up. They have been living with rage all their life. Let them have this moment. After four decades of silence I am also speaking out so I can change the chorus and say enough!